I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
