i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
