You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
