Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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