ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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