My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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