he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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