Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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