I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
