JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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