you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I smell like Dick and happiness
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
