I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
