pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
