she was so not down for the gang bang
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
