A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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