just tell him i said nine months
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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