addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
