you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
