He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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