the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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