i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
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She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
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Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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