he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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