the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
