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he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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