LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
