she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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