Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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