My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
