I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
