why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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