i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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