Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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