Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
