I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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