He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
