oh god the rape fog is back!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
