they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
