dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
