When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize