you guys were way drunker than both of me
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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