She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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