My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy