First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
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We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
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I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.