So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.