I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again