You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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