Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
