i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
