ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
