My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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