An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
