maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
