i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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