If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
