i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.