accomplished twins. life is a go
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize