It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
