And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
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He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
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Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Enjoy the penises
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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