and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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