The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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