I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
