Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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