I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
