he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
